Friday, June 29, 2012

The Person I Want to be With


Sometimes I find myself thinking things that begin with, "The person I want to be with..." I immediately stop myself.

If things don't work out with my husband, I don't want to be with anyone else. It's not a him or nothing thing. It's become more of a him or me thing.

I am perfectly okay with keeping my own company until death do me part. I've been at my best when I am alone. I have lots of good friends and find masturbation to be rewarding.

But, as a woman, if I am going to spend my life with someone, I want it to be with someone who does little things to take care of me. There are small, meaningless things that make me feel cherished. Like when we go to a sporting event or a concert and he holds my ticket for me. I never knew how much this little gesture in my previous relationships showed.

I never knew until I discovered that my husband would leave me outside at the gate and go in without me unless I hold my own ticket.

The first couple of times we did this type of thing together, he'd hand me my ticket and I thought nothing of it. But, as we became closer, I'd say, "Oh, you just hold it for me, please. I don't want to hang onto it."

And he'd refuse. And it's become the sort of thing that really bothers me. I can't really explain why. It seems stupid, but maybe it's just the sum of other things that makes it annoying.

In any case, I'm at a point in my life where I see how much being alone is so much more appealing than being with someone.

The person I want to be with.
The person I want to be with.
The person I want to be with.

The person I want to be with is the kind of man who doesn't think holding my ticket is such a big deal.

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